So, I live on the Meydan, and I needed to get the phone tax paid so I can fully use my phone here without WiFi. You see, I can only use data through WiFi. For those of you who plan on traveling, listen up.
To use your phone from America...
1) Have your phone unlocked. If you're still in contract, pay that shit off and get the code from your service provider... God, I feel so fancy and technical saying that. Is this how people who go to Harvard feel?
2) Buy a Turkish SIM card. Pick one. There are three main ones. I only remember two off the top of my head. Vodafone and Turkcell. I went with Turkcell. Turk is right there in the name. Worst thing that'll happen is that it'll conquer most of Eastern Europe and siege Vienna (HISTORY JOKE!).
3) You can't buy a plan because you need a Turkish passport or residency card. Calm yo tits. The SIM card comes with one month of stuff included. Oh, and you pay for service in advance. Pretty simple... and you'll be reminded when you use data and how much you have left. Unfortunately, it's in Turkish. Google Translate can be your friend.
4)Despite what your phone plan with your SIM card is, you won't be able to use mobile data unless you have a Turkish phone (a phone bought in Turkey). "What the fuck, man?" I hear you saying. "How do I get data on my phone?" Don't worry; that's what I'm trying to explain! If you'd just let me finish, I would've gotten to that! God! My mother was right about you!... You know damn well what that means! I can't talk to you when you're like this!
...
5) You're going to need to pay the phone tax on your phone. It's okay. First, you need to get a tax number. Go to your local ZiaraatBank. Don't forget to smile all confused-like. Just say "Türkçe" and do- Google Images, don't fail me now!- this hand sign.
The Universal Sign for Making Fun of Small Dicks
Hopefully, an employee speaks a small amount of English. Continuously point to your phone and say "vergi." Vergi means tax. Don't believe me? Look it up, then, motherfucker. I GOT ALL DAY! WHAT! WHAT!
Have the employee write down what you need on a slip of paper and the location of the local tax office. Make sure it's in Turkish because you are going to take your ass to a taxi, and he'll take you there. Now, make sure you know where you are leaving from. Write that shit down if you don't know it. OH! Bring a pen. Buy a pen. I don't care! Just have a pen! You will need it.
So, hopefully, the taxi ride was nice. Was it? Gooooooood. You should be at the Tax Office. Remember how you got the location from the bank employee? Well, it's the same strategy. Plus, you need to shove that piece of paper the employee gave you in the face of every person who works at the office. Trust me, you'll make friends.
SHIT! I forgot! Before you go in, make sure you have your passport! Fuck, I can't believe I forgot to tell you that... uhhhh, you have you're passport, right? Yeah, I know, common sense. So, near the entrance of the tax office is a photo copy booth. Trust me, it's there. Look for something with the name "Büfe." It'll be there. You're going to need a photocopy of your passport. -What do you mean which page? WHAT PAGE DO YOU THINK? GOD, HOW DO YOU EVEN FUNCTION ON A DAY-TO-DAY BASIS?!
You're going to need to fill out a form before you get a ticket to get your tax number. Don't worry, it's fucking easy. The only tricky part is your address. You need to know that shit. Don't worry about the language on the form; it has English translations. Oh! And your Turkish phone number. You need to know that one, too. This is why you brought a pen. Fill out the form, give it to the guy outside the waiting room, and just wait for your number to be called. Go to the appropriate desk when it does, but while you wait, do you want tea? A guy comes by with a tray of tea. A TRAY OF FUCKING TEA! AND IT'S DELICIOUS! AND IT'S CHEAP! AND HE'S FRIENDLY! FUCKING FRIENDLY!
Anyway, when you're number gets called, hand them you're form, the copy of your passport, and your passport. Wait, a little while... and TA-DAH! You now have a tax number!
6) Take that tax number back to the ZiaraatBank, and you will now have a Turkish phone!
7) I haven't done step 6... I can only assume that it's important. I don't know... I'll do that tomorrow... So... step 7 is procrastinate.
Anyway, my last post was lackluster. I didn't have much to say because I was/am sick, but now... Well, I have energy because I am teeming with my victory of obtaining my tax number. So! Uh... I took a picture from the top floor (which is a cafe) of the English school I teach at. Apart from it being an absolutely gorgeous view of the sunset, I took it because of Assassin's Creed: Revelations. For those of you who don't know what it is (it's a videogame) and how it's relevant, allow me to educate you. Revelations takes place in Istanbul in 1511 or something... eh, yeah... I could check... nope, not going to do that. In it, you play an assassin who runs on top of buildings and jumps into haystacks and kills people.
yaaaaaas
OH! Before I forget... At the local mall, I saw this:
It says Waffle House... I have my suspicions. I didn't eat there... but I will get to the bottom of this. All I'm saying is that there better be maximum of 15 teeth total among all the waitress' mouths. That's all I'm saying.
Lon, out!
... no, no... that won't do.
To be continued...
no... I'm feeling that either.
I am the night. I am BATMAN!
Yep... That feels right
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