In this episode...

Like I said, I was probably going to do another one of these. Meh.

So, today is my birthday. Yipee... I can't believe I typed "yipee." So much judgement... Must... contain... self... loathing.... Ah. That's better.

I googled an image of "restraining self loathing" and a picture of Clarence Thomas popped up... I shit you not. God, I love the internet

I had the best birthday ever today. My students gave me a surprise birthday party and a dope ass ring, and my roommates gave me a surprise birthday party. Like... DA FUQ BRUH! That was really nice... anyway...

I found out that the House of Saud executed the Shi'a leader in Saudi Arabia, Sheikh Nimr. Furthermore, they took his dead body afterward and dropped it via helicopter in front of his house. They didn't "drop it off." No. They literally pushed it out of an airborne helicopter like some US-backed dictator in South America or Africa.

You know... like this

But who is Sheikh Nimr? Possibly, one of the bravest men to grace this earth. In Saudi Arabia, freedom of expression is a second thought, and freedom of religion is laughable. It's either Saudi Islam or nothing. Sheikh Nimr was Shi'a, which is considered below atheists and Wiccans in Saudi eyes. Keep that in mind... because this dude said this:

Originally, I had a picture of him saying "By the Ka'ba, the House of Saud shall fall."

He didn't say that in exile. He said that in Saudi Arabia. He said that publicly in Saudi Arabia. He said that publicly in Saudi Arabia to his congregation ON FILM. That is the very definition of courage. He said much more too. The world will surely miss a man of that caliber and needs much more like him.

Know that this man was executed, and his body was desecrated by the self-proclaimed Islamic kingdom known as Saudi Arabia. Is this sort of desecration permitted in Islam? Well, funny you should ask because the answer is a giant neon-sign blinking in the middle of the night FUCKING NO! Of course, it isn't! This is a complete mockery of any semblance of a legitimate state. So, Saudis... fuck you.

But this isn't my only gripe with the Saudis, and I have a feeling that this execution is part of an effort to manipulate tensions between the Shi'a and our Sunni brothers and sisters... Let me explain...

It all comes down to Syria and Iraq. The world hinges on these two nations. Why? If you said "oil," you are correct...

Yep! It's a bit deeper than that (no pun intended. HA!... sorry). Oil and the infrastructure to extract and transport the oil to European markets is the reason. The easiest way to take that luscious Gulf oil is to set up a pipeline through Syria and Iraq. Why don't they? Because those assholes in Syria and Iraq want to justifiably profit from the oil traveling through their sovereign territory, that's why! Sheesh! Also, Iraq and Syria also have oil of their own. But how does this benefit Saudi?

Saudi doesn't really own its oil. It doesn't own anything really. In order to build infrastructure and modernize, it used its oil wealth as collateral for loans. Basically, it pumps out oil to pay for yesterday's loans. Here's the thing... it keeps getting more loans. You see the cycle yet? And guess who builds that infrastructure. Yep, American and other Western oil companies and construction firms. So America and its buddies give Saudis (Qataris, Kuwaitis, and Emratis as well) money, and in turn, their businesses receive all the money they just loaned. America is a bit of a misnomer here. Not the country but rather the financial overlords that rule the country (I know the word is oligarch, but I can't pass up the opportunity to use the term "financial overlord"). That is why the government of America is so friendly with these psychopathic shit-twats. That is why they supply them with weapons and protect them. America needs these governments to be autocratic because if they weren't, the people would elect leaders that would quickly nationalize the oil industry and do things out of the country's best interest.

It is in Saudi's interest NOT to have a pipeline. The oil has to come out of Saudi ports, meaning money for Saudi. It can control the supply and manipulate prices easier this way. A pipeline could jeopardize many of Saudi's industries. Saudi doesn't need to foot the bill for transportation, only the corporations do. But, remember who runs the show. Remember who keeps the ruling families in power. If they don't want to play ball, they'll be thrown out in the streets to face popular justice and be replaced by the long line of eager successors. So! Welcome to neoliberalism, Imperialism 2.0! 

Yep, that sums it up perfectly.

Alright... but how does a Shi'a leader tie in to this?

First off, don't interrupt me. Second, I'll fucking cut you.

Right now, Da'ish (the Saudi-Qatari jizz spawn) is taking a savage fucking beating. Russia is kicking its ass, Syria is kicking its ass, Hezbollah, Iran, Iraq, and maybe... just maybe... China will soon.

 *cue gong sound*

 No one wants to join now. No matter how well they pay, no one is willing to risk definitely dying for them. Most of them aren't there for religious reasons. They are simply disenfranchised Sunni youth that want money and power. Essentially, Da'ish is an internationally funded, well-armed, Islamic-esque MS-13. That's it. It is a massive street gang. They have hand signs, attire, everything. 

 They flash the "one finger" to show they are willing and able to give prostate exams.

They even have their own slang. For example:

What's up?:

Allahu Akbar

I'm fine.:

Allahu Akbar

Can you pass the salt?

Allahu Akbar

Doctor, I have a burning sensation when I

urinate, and there is a puss discharging from

my penis's urethra. I'm afraid I might have

gonorrhea. 

Allahu Akbar

And those other groups?

They are just different gangs. Sometimes, they got beef with Da'ish. Sometimes, they're cool. The Free Syrian Army (FSA), al-Qaeda, an-Nusra, the "no-really-we-are-totally-not-a-Western-puppet-and-this-isn't-the-French-Mandate-flag Syrian Army, all of them.

Flag of the "Syrian Republic under French Mandate"

 It's the one right between the al-Qaeda flag and the an-Nusra flag

What does this have to do with Sheikh Nimr?

Shut.your.whore.mouth.

Picture the Gulf nations as the Mexican Mafia (the prison gang that organizes and controls multiple street gangs). The groups in Iraq and Syria do the work on the ground while the Gulf states call the shots. Right now, they are desperate for soldiers. What better way to recruit than to fan the flame of sectarian tensions. There will inevitably be unfortunate acts of misguided retribution. I wish it wasn't the case, but there will be. Regardless, these will receive ample coverage, fueling Sunni fear of Shi'a revenge. That fear leads people in Iraq and Syria to take sides. Some Sunnis will go with the best funded, most well-armed group, Da'ish. Not because they like Da'ish, but because they are the most effective to protect from a perceived threat. It's sad... but it's true. 

I need to wrap this up because my roommate is breathing down my neck, demanding we need to talk about her personal life. If I didn't love her so much, I'd tell her to piss off, but she is like my wife in a sex-less marriage. I'll pick up with this later. Anyway, more analysis later... but hopefully this has whetted your appetite. Yay!