Changing things up...

I know the title says that I'm changing things up... I lied. I've changed NOTHING!

So, what will I write about? Should I write about politics? World affairs? My feelings? I HAVE NO FEELINGS!

Happiness tastes like sand in my mouth

Anyway, I have to leave the country. I mean, for like 5 minutes just to renew my visa. But, I get a free trip to Bulgaria! Woooooooo! Wait, do they have gulags in Bulgaria? Am I being racist? ARE BULGARIANS A RACE OF PEOPLE?!

Only mild excitement is allowed in Bulgaria

I get to see a lot more of Turkey... I mean, the European side... along the highway... but that's more than just Istanbul. Hopefully, I don't get stuck in Bulgaria. I barely speak Turkish, and I speak no Bulgarian. None. I don't know how to say hello or thank you. I can only speak English in a corny Russian accent. I'm sure if I just refer to everyone as comrade, I'll get along just fine. Let me do some research...

Researching is much like contemplating eating my keyboard

 

Alright, so according to my research, if you encounter a Bulgarian in the forest, you need to put your arms up and pretend to be bigger. Also, if that fails, play dead or run down hill. Bulgarians are afraid of dead bodies and hills. 

So, wish me luck. This is a brief one, but at least it's something. 

I'll end with this... sometimes, I secretly hope a seagull (there are a lot where I live) bursts into my bathroom while I'm pooping  and attacks me just so I could have an interesting story.

What's sad is that I'm not making that up... yep...

Wow, I gotta stop slacking on this

Alright, I could've sworn I wrote one of these last week... but alas, I am wrong. For shame.

So, this week, I went to another city in Turkey because the wait to get a residence permit in Istanbul is too long, so I "live" in this other city on paper.

I don't ask questions... Especially when I have to wake up at 6:45 in the morning to get to Yalova (the other city).

So, I'm pretty sure I have strep throat. It isn't that bad though. Remember the whole healthcare system here... Yeah. MAGIC! The visit and the medicine cost me about 65 Lira... or about $23. TWENTY-THREE DOLLARS! I don't even have insurance. CAN YOU COMPREHEND THAT!? My complete medical treatment is the same price as a sad handjob from a fat, one-eyed hooker.

I will refrain from providing a picture...

Instead, here is what I got when I googled "gay unicorn"

I gotta make this quick because I have plans shortly. I know you're thinking "Well, why don't you just save your entry and finish it after your plans." 

Look, I'm going to level with you... That is pretty logical, but we both know that if I do that, I won't publish this until a week later. 

Possibly the laziest google search ever... I have failed you

So, allow me to make one empty promise. I will update this next week. This should be enough. The gay unicorn should keep you occupied/entertained/scarred-for-life for the rest of the week. 

I know... I know... shame on me... sorry, I was going to try to segue to a hari-kiri reference about shame, but I really can't be bothered. So, I'll just end this with a gif of a Japanese guy hari-kiri'ing himself... I'm not sure that's a word, but... meh... whatever. 

DISHONOOOOOOOOOR!

So, where was I...

Last I wrote, I was explaining the situation on the ground in Iraq and Syria... I'm going to continue that, but first, an update.

First, people said David Bowie died today. This is not true. David Bowie cannot die. David Bowie transcends space and time, sans Tartis

Fuck you, blue box.

 

No, David Bowie simply got bored of this realm of reality and left for adventures in other dimensions.

WARNING: Cannot be contained to one realm of being

 

We mere mortals must cope with the fact that the being known as David Bowie has left our mundane existence. We shall never forget Bowie. Thank you for blessing us with your presence in our dimension.

Bowie

 

Back to the conflict in Syria and Iraq...

I shouldn't have to tell you this, but some of my readership is American (if not all of my readership), and this may not be very obvious to them. War is really fucked up. No one leaves war as a fully functional human being. This is something most Americans and Westerners can't understand. For them, war is voluntary. The worst they have is crime and the impending fear of terrorism. Oh, you're afraid of one bomb... funny, because you have no problem dropping them on other people and supporting groups that do the same. Weird. We haven't witnessed the utter carnage that comes with war. The devastation. The shattered hopes and dreams. In the West, unwise decisions and unfortunate circumstance prevent our goals... Little Jimmy wanted to play football for Auburn, but he hurt his knee, and that scholarship evaporated as soon as that happened. Auburn is still there. He still has other options. No one completely destroyed his home, the country's infrastructure, or most universities. The closest thing that America has to a war zone is the hood, and most people avoid helping it get better. Gentrification is waaaaaaay easier, right?

Behold! Hipster, Herald of Gentrification. Fear him for the end is near!

 

I really hate hipsters. I mean... I REALLY HATE HIPSTERS. Not because they dress stupid. Not because they are pretentious. It is simply because they are the vanguard of gentrification. They don't open businesses in the hood; they only live there. In fact, they usually take jobs from the people in the hood. Usually, hipsters are white. Not only are they white, but they come from upper- or middle-class backgrounds. They move into urban neighborhoods because, hey, that shit is way edgy. They don't really want the danger; they want to urban feel. Rent is cheap, too! Great shit, right? It's not like they're paying for it anyway. Mommy and daddy have that. Even if they pay for it, it's cheap. If you don't know how real estate works, let me explain it. White people means that prices go up. Nothing gets better, but the residents are just lighter skinned. Thus, the area is perceived as marginally safer. Hipsters beget more hipsters. Prices go up. Now, the people who rented and lived in the area pre-Hipstergeddon have to spend more money. Businesses in the area begin to cater to the hipsters, and you better believe that the hipsters have the edge when it comes to employment at these businesses. It's gradual, but in the end, the hipsters graduate to yuppies because Mommy and Daddy won't foot the bill forever while the hipster tries life as a barista with a psychology degree. By this time, most of the original residents have moved out due to necessity. They are scattered to the wind, still poor, just now elsewhere. Fuck hipsters. 

Back to what I was saying.

Iraq has been in a state of war since 2003. That's 13 years. That's 13 fucked-up years of bombing, shooting, attacks, casualties, desolation, and the like. I was in 8th grade when it started. I am 27 now. Let's not even touch on Afghanistan... that's a little too depressing. Libya too. Ugh...

Remember: people can be/ are manipulated along trivial lines such as denomination, sect, ethnic group, race, skin color, religion, etc. It totally bullshit despite any "history" that "proves" these distinctions. The purpose is always to distract in order to extract. It's always a scheme used by those that want to take what others have. "Divide and Rule."

So, that is what it is like in those countries, but it also galvanizes those abroad. Misled imams (many with ties to Saudi) focus on the few incidents of Shi'a-on-Sunni violence, and this stirs the community. Then, there may be a slight surge in Da'ish recruits, but it won't help. After they leave basic training (what do you think the CIA is doing in Syria? Who do you think they are training?), they are facing the most battle-hardened, experienced troops in the world (that's what you get when you are constantly at war). Da'ish is on the course for total annihilation.

Saudi knows this, so the execution of Sheikh Nimr serves as a political maneuver towards Iran. They want to preoccupy Iran with further conflict. Unlike the Gulf States, Iran will not bow in servitude to Western interests. Is Iran perfect? God no, but last I checked most countries in the West don't exactly have a sterling human rights record either, and keep in mind, these Western countries don't have sanctions on them nor do they have other governments actively engaged in overthrowing them (that leas to a lot of internal restrictions, believe it or not). As a country that has existed in its modern form since 1979, it is doing phenomenally well, despite continuous attempts of sabotage. In a perfect world, Iran would be 100% free, as would Syria, but it is a luxury they cannot afford due to consistent external meddling in internal affairs. This makes the political situations within these countries understandable. Democracy or not, the West will find a leader that will bow to its interests (ex: Guatemala, Iran, Chile, Congo, Ukraine, etc.).

 

Patrice Lumumba (Congo)

Jacobo Arbenz (Guatemala)

Salvador Allende (Chile)

Mohammed Mossadegh (Iran)

Viktor Yanukovych (Ukraine)

 

Since Iran's refusal to submit to Western interests in order for Iran to pursue its own prosperity is terrifying for the West (at least for its financial overlords). That's why it is so demonized in our media (coincidentally owned by corporate interests). *cough* Yellow *cough* Journalism *cough*. Sorry about that. There was propaganda stuck in my throat. "Oh no! Iran wants nuclear power! They might make bombs!" Really? Do we have nuclear bombs? Does Israel have nuclear bombs? India? Pakistan? Oh, go fucking figure, they do. And who has dropped atomic bombs (not one, but two) on civilian populations? Oh, America. So why should America dictate who can have nuclear energy? Especially when the nation is question is surrounded by countries with nuclear capabilities.

Why should America have nukes? It has proven that it would use them against civilians. Isn't that the test for whether or not should have them? America failed the test. It shouldn't have them. It's like letting a mass shooter have an AK-47 after he gets out of prison. Should anyone really have a nuclear arsenal? No. No one needs to have a nuclear arsenal. It is just fucking insane. 

Iran isn't just refusing to cooperate with the financial overlords though. It is setting an example for the Third World. It is showing how a country can be independent from the West, especially countries with oil... countries like Saudi Arabia, Qatar, UAE, Kuwait, and Bahrain. The governments of these nations will always be loyal to the West, but the people... well, the Shah of Iran was loyal to the West too, and look what happened to him.

Anyway, that's enough outta me. For my brother and sisters in the struggle, don't give up.

 

 

 

 

In this episode...

Like I said, I was probably going to do another one of these. Meh.

So, today is my birthday. Yipee... I can't believe I typed "yipee." So much judgement... Must... contain... self... loathing.... Ah. That's better.

I googled an image of "restraining self loathing" and a picture of Clarence Thomas popped up... I shit you not. God, I love the internet

I had the best birthday ever today. My students gave me a surprise birthday party and a dope ass ring, and my roommates gave me a surprise birthday party. Like... DA FUQ BRUH! That was really nice... anyway...

I found out that the House of Saud executed the Shi'a leader in Saudi Arabia, Sheikh Nimr. Furthermore, they took his dead body afterward and dropped it via helicopter in front of his house. They didn't "drop it off." No. They literally pushed it out of an airborne helicopter like some US-backed dictator in South America or Africa.

You know... like this

But who is Sheikh Nimr? Possibly, one of the bravest men to grace this earth. In Saudi Arabia, freedom of expression is a second thought, and freedom of religion is laughable. It's either Saudi Islam or nothing. Sheikh Nimr was Shi'a, which is considered below atheists and Wiccans in Saudi eyes. Keep that in mind... because this dude said this:

Originally, I had a picture of him saying "By the Ka'ba, the House of Saud shall fall."

He didn't say that in exile. He said that in Saudi Arabia. He said that publicly in Saudi Arabia. He said that publicly in Saudi Arabia to his congregation ON FILM. That is the very definition of courage. He said much more too. The world will surely miss a man of that caliber and needs much more like him.

Know that this man was executed, and his body was desecrated by the self-proclaimed Islamic kingdom known as Saudi Arabia. Is this sort of desecration permitted in Islam? Well, funny you should ask because the answer is a giant neon-sign blinking in the middle of the night FUCKING NO! Of course, it isn't! This is a complete mockery of any semblance of a legitimate state. So, Saudis... fuck you.

But this isn't my only gripe with the Saudis, and I have a feeling that this execution is part of an effort to manipulate tensions between the Shi'a and our Sunni brothers and sisters... Let me explain...

It all comes down to Syria and Iraq. The world hinges on these two nations. Why? If you said "oil," you are correct...

Yep! It's a bit deeper than that (no pun intended. HA!... sorry). Oil and the infrastructure to extract and transport the oil to European markets is the reason. The easiest way to take that luscious Gulf oil is to set up a pipeline through Syria and Iraq. Why don't they? Because those assholes in Syria and Iraq want to justifiably profit from the oil traveling through their sovereign territory, that's why! Sheesh! Also, Iraq and Syria also have oil of their own. But how does this benefit Saudi?

Saudi doesn't really own its oil. It doesn't own anything really. In order to build infrastructure and modernize, it used its oil wealth as collateral for loans. Basically, it pumps out oil to pay for yesterday's loans. Here's the thing... it keeps getting more loans. You see the cycle yet? And guess who builds that infrastructure. Yep, American and other Western oil companies and construction firms. So America and its buddies give Saudis (Qataris, Kuwaitis, and Emratis as well) money, and in turn, their businesses receive all the money they just loaned. America is a bit of a misnomer here. Not the country but rather the financial overlords that rule the country (I know the word is oligarch, but I can't pass up the opportunity to use the term "financial overlord"). That is why the government of America is so friendly with these psychopathic shit-twats. That is why they supply them with weapons and protect them. America needs these governments to be autocratic because if they weren't, the people would elect leaders that would quickly nationalize the oil industry and do things out of the country's best interest.

It is in Saudi's interest NOT to have a pipeline. The oil has to come out of Saudi ports, meaning money for Saudi. It can control the supply and manipulate prices easier this way. A pipeline could jeopardize many of Saudi's industries. Saudi doesn't need to foot the bill for transportation, only the corporations do. But, remember who runs the show. Remember who keeps the ruling families in power. If they don't want to play ball, they'll be thrown out in the streets to face popular justice and be replaced by the long line of eager successors. So! Welcome to neoliberalism, Imperialism 2.0! 

Yep, that sums it up perfectly.

Alright... but how does a Shi'a leader tie in to this?

First off, don't interrupt me. Second, I'll fucking cut you.

Right now, Da'ish (the Saudi-Qatari jizz spawn) is taking a savage fucking beating. Russia is kicking its ass, Syria is kicking its ass, Hezbollah, Iran, Iraq, and maybe... just maybe... China will soon.

 *cue gong sound*

 No one wants to join now. No matter how well they pay, no one is willing to risk definitely dying for them. Most of them aren't there for religious reasons. They are simply disenfranchised Sunni youth that want money and power. Essentially, Da'ish is an internationally funded, well-armed, Islamic-esque MS-13. That's it. It is a massive street gang. They have hand signs, attire, everything. 

 They flash the "one finger" to show they are willing and able to give prostate exams.

They even have their own slang. For example:

What's up?:

Allahu Akbar

I'm fine.:

Allahu Akbar

Can you pass the salt?

Allahu Akbar

Doctor, I have a burning sensation when I

urinate, and there is a puss discharging from

my penis's urethra. I'm afraid I might have

gonorrhea. 

Allahu Akbar

And those other groups?

They are just different gangs. Sometimes, they got beef with Da'ish. Sometimes, they're cool. The Free Syrian Army (FSA), al-Qaeda, an-Nusra, the "no-really-we-are-totally-not-a-Western-puppet-and-this-isn't-the-French-Mandate-flag Syrian Army, all of them.

Flag of the "Syrian Republic under French Mandate"

 It's the one right between the al-Qaeda flag and the an-Nusra flag

What does this have to do with Sheikh Nimr?

Shut.your.whore.mouth.

Picture the Gulf nations as the Mexican Mafia (the prison gang that organizes and controls multiple street gangs). The groups in Iraq and Syria do the work on the ground while the Gulf states call the shots. Right now, they are desperate for soldiers. What better way to recruit than to fan the flame of sectarian tensions. There will inevitably be unfortunate acts of misguided retribution. I wish it wasn't the case, but there will be. Regardless, these will receive ample coverage, fueling Sunni fear of Shi'a revenge. That fear leads people in Iraq and Syria to take sides. Some Sunnis will go with the best funded, most well-armed group, Da'ish. Not because they like Da'ish, but because they are the most effective to protect from a perceived threat. It's sad... but it's true. 

I need to wrap this up because my roommate is breathing down my neck, demanding we need to talk about her personal life. If I didn't love her so much, I'd tell her to piss off, but she is like my wife in a sex-less marriage. I'll pick up with this later. Anyway, more analysis later... but hopefully this has whetted your appetite. Yay!

Yeah, yeah... I know this is late

So, let's start off with happy new year.

Yes, it is now 2016. Faaaaaaantastic.

Oh, and my birthday is in two days. Usually, I hate my birthday. "But, Lon, why would you hate your birthday?"
I used to live in Georgia (the state... not the country), and on your birthday, you need to renew all your car shit. Emissions, registration, insurance (technically it's on the 1st of January, but that's like next to my birthday). So, my birthday is the day I get the bill for surviving another year. Oh, and then, I lost my health insurance my last birthday. That was nice.

So this is a new feeling. I mean... I'm turning 27, so I am facing my own mortality and everything, but other than that, I am pretty content about my birthday. Oh, speaking about my own mortality... so I don't know if this counts in a legal sense, but here is what I want in case I die prematurely. Ahem...

It's pretty simple. Consult a Shi'a sheikh. Until I draw up my own will and what not, just do everything according to Ja'fari mazhab. No coffin is necessary. Anyway, that handles that.

So, a good friend of mine passed away a week ago. I'm still a bit shocked. He was a really nice guy, and he was always excited to see me. He was curious- eager to learn about the world around him. That's rare. If he didn't understand something, he wouldn't hesitate to ask. I really admire people who refuse to be ignorant. It's a shame he left us when he did. I won't say that only the good ones die young. That isn't true. Hell, I know a lot of assholes who died young. I'm unaffected by those, but Jordan... man, I'll miss him. I got nothing but good things to say about him.

He is the one on the left... not the one who looks like an Arab/ Pizza shop owner.

Anyway... maybe, I shoulda ended the post with that... now, I'm going to soil his name by writing terrible things... Sorry, Jordan, but you'd understand. Moving on... I might throw in a couple of boner jokes. Boner jokes: How I cope with loss.

So, what has happened since the last time I wrote? Ummmm... nope, not gonna talk about the girl again. Uhhhh... Christmas happened. OH! AND THERE WAS A SNOW STORM! By the way... that was yesterday... the snow storm, not Christmas. Do you not own a calendar? Anyway, there aren't any snowplows here. You'd think that would close everything down. NOPE! Everything was open. No one gave a fuck. Shit, most places are open today, and it's the first day of 2016. It's kinda crazy. 

This is kinda a lackluster post. I may do another one later in the week... I mean... wait, what day is it? Friday? Weird... Um... yeah, maybe. I don't know... I went bowling with my roommates... God, I'm just going to end it here.

uh... bye