so hear me out on this...

Yeah, I know. It's been some time since updating this thing. I've been busy. Currently, I'm working 7 days a week. I'm doing my roommate (we'll call her Dr. Sanchez) a solid. Dr. Sanchez has a new job, and works 7 days a week, too, but to alleviate the burden, I decided to take her evening classes on Thursday and Friday. My sanity is slowly slipping, which is good for all of you because my ridiculous imagination kicks into 5th gear (6th gear, depending on the vehicle) when I am exhausted. WEEEEEE!

So, you know how I said that the first girl, Dilek, was out of my life... well... NOPE!

She messages me out of the blue. FUCKIN' TYPICAL! I met with her last Friday for lunch. Then, the other girl I was seeing didn't work out. That's okay. It's a good kind of "didn't work out." So now, I have some prospects along with Dilek, the Turkish She-Devil. Moving on...

So, I know a lot of you in the States are freaking out about Donald Trump and his insane antics. I'mma get to that. Now, I started thinking... What if he is right? Well, I mean... what if he is right about the wall along the border? Hear me out...

Now, what is Mexico's biggest export? Cheap labor? Agricultural goods? Tacos? GOD! PLEASE TELL ME IT'S TACOS!

No.

It's...

Chupacabras.

That's right. Chupacabras.

"What exactly is a chupacabra" you may be asking. Shut up. I'll tell you.

Based on my amateur research, a quick peruse of the Wikipedia page, a tendency to jump to conclusions, and somethings I flat-out made up, I will explain what these foul demons are and why Donald Trump is our savior.

That above is a chupacabra. They stand at about 3 feet (1 meter... or yard... you know, I don't know metric... 1 metric yard). Normally, they feast on the blood of goats, but lately, they've had a taste for a different sort of blood. That's right... people. Think I'm making that up? GUESS AGAIN!

Cute-a-cabra

 

According to the Mexican Daily Siesta Gazette, a highly-respected and in-no-way-fake newspaper, thousands of Mexicans have been attacked and killed by these monsters. 

So what? Dead Mexicans.

NOT SO WHAT!

Every Mexican killed turns into another CHUPACABRA (and I am in no way mixing chupacabras with zombies). Soon, they will be an army. A CHUPACABRARMY (don't try to say that word aloud... I wrote it and even I am not entirely sure how to pronounce it).

So why isn't this in the mainstream media? BECAUSE THEY HAVE ALREADY INFILTRATED OUR MEDIA CORPORATIONS! OPEN YOUR EYES SHEEPLE! I'M WRITING IN ALL-CAPS ON THE INTERNET! IT MUST BE TRUE!

Only our glorious savior, Donald Trump, can save us from the Chupanati (or the Chupacabra Illuminati). 

Now, I know what you're thinking. How will a wall stop the Chupa-invasion? 

Duh! Chupacabras can only be stopped by walls. How do you not know that? Everyone knows that. Shame... shame on you.

So, why should Mexico pay for the wall? I know... I know... you short-sighted bastard... I know you are asking this. Again, you disappoint me.

Chupacabras are financially irresponsible and also have a hoard of gold. When pressed, they cannot say no to any requests for money. Mr. Trump knows this. 

Moral of the story: Vote Trump. Stop Chupacabras.

Meh... that's all I got today.