I'm really bad at consistency

Okay... Okay... I can't remember the last time I updated this. I should be ashamed of myself. I really should... buuuuuuuuuut... yeah, I am. I was going to try and play it cool like I wasn't phased... fazed?... phased... I teach English, fuck you.

Anyway, I sprained my ankle walking home at night. AFTER I KISSED A GIRL! WOOOoooooOOOOOoooo... I don't think she saw me fall after she got in her car. Hopefully, she callously drove away. I CAN ONLY HOPE SHE'S THAT CALLOUS.

So, a lot has happened since last I wrote... or at least I think. I know I've had a series of funny thoughts. I can't remember any of them now. I'm sorry. That was kinda a tease...

DISTRACTION!

Well, that was fun while it lasted. Oh! So, important notice. This is a different girl than the girl from earlier posts. That other girl is dead to me... until a booty call. Let's get serious... I may have the willpower not to grovel, but if prompted, I would gladly drop my pants and drill my wiener into her vagina as if I were in a post-apocalyptic world and there was oil in there. By the way, YOU'RE WELCOME FOR THE VISUAL.

So, I need code-names for these women... so, the original chick will be designated as Chick Unfortunately Not Tapping... or CUNT for show... what's sad is that I took a minute to think that up and it's such a poor joke that I refuse to use. I am ashamed. Utterly ashamed. Let's call her... uhhhhhh... Dilek. Fuck it, I'm just using her name. From here on forward, all ex's or past attempted conquests (I know... that's misogynistic, but I cannot for the life of me think of better wording. Maybe... failed-attempts-to-consentually-fornicate-with.... nope... too wordy...) will be referenced by their first name. Sure, some of you have never heard of this name... it's okay. You don't live in Turkey. IT'S SUPER COMMON. So, Dilek is outta the picture.

Good news... there are some other candidates. Now, I'm not a player. First, I barely have game when speaking English, let alone Turkish. Second, I might be being INCREDIBLY optimistic to the point of delusion (Not even the glass is half-full... more like "that glass totally wants the D.") Third, I usually work one at a time or seriously pursue one at a time. I think this is what they call normal dating. Maybe.... I've heard of this concept from third-hand renditions of the premise of Sex and the City. I'm totally a Miranda... I have no idea what that means. Is there a Jessica? Michelle? Chloe? I don't know. I only know there's a Miranda... I digress.

So, let me tell you a school (yeah, Daddy-O... I'm so lonely). If you want to talk to ladies in foreign countries and you are reading this, offer to teach them English in exchange for learning their language. It helps learning English and being around beautiful foreign women. It's okay if you look like gay hobbit... you have something that all the good-looking local men don't have. An American/ Canadian/ British/ Australian/ New Zealand-er... New Zealandian... New Zealandi... Kiwi Passport. YAY! Just keep playing the fact that you are looking for a wife. Never mention that you're poor. NEVER.

Anyway... I'm sleepy. I did this. Done. Finished. Blaaaaaaaaam-O.

Bye.